Prepare them Now!

On the ride home from elementary school several years ago my then seven year old son, Stephen, asked my wife: “Mom, what is sex?” There is always a long, uncomfortable pause that comes when a question like that comes up for the first time. I could just picture our two younger children (four year old Jacob and two year old Caroline) along with Stephen as they sat with rapt attention awaiting her response. Well, Jacob and Stephen anyway.

She asked Stephen what had brought up the subject. He said he had heard the word used by some of the older kids at school. He said he had asked one of the kids in his class what the word meant but the kid replied, “That is a word I am only allowed to talk to my parents about. You better ask your parents.” Good kid! Better parenting!

Voice of Forewarning
When she told me about their conversation I was a little saddened. One, because it meant my little boy was growing up. And two, because I have always prided myself on being the voice of forewarning for my kids. Before we moved Stephen to a new school during first grade I told him it might be scary at first but that he would warm up to it. Before he got up to bat in his first baseball game I told him he would probably have butterflies but so does everyone else. Before he jumped off the side of the swimming pool for the first time I told him I would be there to catch him and that he didn’t need to be afraid.

But this time I was playing catch up. A couple of Saturday morning breakfasts at Hardees discussing the birds and bees over sausage biscuits and cinnamon buns seems to have done the trick. Stephen's question strengthened my resolve to be the voice of forewarning and taught me something.

What I Learned
No more catch up. What happens when my kids get into high school and I haven’t prepared them for situations they are almost certain to face? Drugs, sex, pornography, drinking, etc. Do I want the next uncomfortable question to be “Dad, what do I do now that my girlfriend is pregnant?”

My wife and I constantly tell Stephen that the closer he gets to teenagehood the more he will begin to think he knows more than we do. We are preparing him now for the thoughts and feelings we know he will experience. We were there. We went through it. What better time to get him ready for it than now.

In the end, he will have to face a number of difficult circumstances in middle and high school without us being there. It is his agency. He will be the one making the decisions. But it is our job to arm him with as many of the answers as we can now.